Last Tuesday I got off from work early and drove up to the fertility specialists office. I was super nervous. I wondered if he would examine my uterus or something weird. I really didn’t want to take my pants off…
I walked into the building- which was definitely built in the 80’s. It was stale with bad greenery throughout. I saw that the office was on the second floor, so I walked up and nervously opened the door into the cold office. The receptionist gave me a clipboard with my personal details and the reason for my visit. I wrote, “Trouble trying to conceive” on the line and handed it in.
An Asian man was coming in and out of rooms and I wondered if he was the doctor. I quickly realized that he was actually some sort of cosmetic botox doctor. It felt weird in a fertility clinic.
I looked at my watch – my doctor was 20 minutes late.
I looked around at the other people in the room, were they struggling with trying to conceive…. or here to receive botox? I wondered if they had been creeping all of the trying to conceive forums like I have been. I wondered if anyone except their husband knew they were there and if they felt nervous like me.
Then I heard my name – “Heather?” There was a large man standing in black scrubs with a South African accent. I went into his office and we said our pleasantries. He briefly stepped out of the room to talk with the receptionist. When I looked at the picture frame beside his desk it had a cartoon picture of a person in a bed with their sheets covering most of their face, as if they were scared. Above it read, “I see dumb people”. It felt out of place for such a sensitive situation.
The doctor came back in and got down to business. He asked me how long my period is and how long we were trying to conceive. He mentioned my hypothyroidism and looked at my bloodwork. He didn’t ask me any other questions but looked at me emotionless and said, “I’m going to send you in for blood work on 3 separate days of your cycle, you need to go and get an X-ray of your uterus and your husband needs to do a sperm test”. I offered him brief information about ovulating late in my cycle, which he responded that he would test my hormones later in my cycle.
He rushed me out of his office and left me with his receptionist. She gave me quick instructions about taking a pill before my X-ray, getting Benton’s semen tested and when to go for my bloodwork. She rushed the paperwork into my hand and answered the ringing phone.
I walked out of the office after my 8 minute appointment and stared at all of the pages I had been given for the testing. On each page it had the reason for testing as, “INFERTILITY” in bold letters.
I walked outside to my car and felt totally defeated. In the span of 8 minutes my nonchalant attitude of “having trouble conceiving” turned into full fledged “INFERTILITY“. I NEVER cry, but I sat in my car and had tears rolling down my cheeks.
So many things were running through my head. I didn’t want Benton to have to go to a lab and sit in a masturbation station with nudie magazines!! I didn’t want to have operations on me!
Worst of all, what happens if I actually am infertile?
It was a rough day for sure, I wish I would have prepared myself mentally for it. But when you don’t tell anyone, you have no one to offer advice and “I’ve done this before!”
Turns out, sperm can be collected at home, which was a huge relief! The movies aren’t reality, haha. Even though the situation was difficult, I am trying to stay positive. I am choosing not to believe that I am infertile and keeping up hope that it will happen soon.