After almost two years into this trying to conceive thing, it’s inevitable to deal with the ‘what if’.
I found that in the beginning I really lived my life as if I was pregnant. I avoided all prepackaged meats, stopped working out, cut out caffeine and avoided all alcohol. This also meant that I didn’t want to start a new job, a new business (what about the maternity leave!?) or do anything crazy because of the, ‘what if’.
For me personally, the ‘what if’ killed me more than the stress of trying to conceive. Stress is inevitable, the ‘what if’ is controllable.
The ‘what if’ is something that I have been consciously teaching myself to overcome over the past year. It’s definitely a process, but when I start to think, “I shouldn’t do that, because what if I get pregnant” I change it with, “What if I don’t”.
Yes, if I don’t get pregnant it will be sad, but it also might happen so it doesn’t do me any good to sit here and stew about it. What I can think about is the non-emotional view of myself 20 years from now. If I don’t get pregnant and keep holding back because of the ‘what if’, I will look back on the years of trying and regret that I didn’t give myself the chance to flourish because of a ‘what if’ that never happened. What if there is a bigger plan in place that is preparing me for something greater, even if that means I won’t ever get pregnant.
So, this year I took a new job, am pursuing a business, getting in shape and am living my life as it is at this current moment. IF i get pregnant THEN I will adjust my life accordingly. The ‘what if’ is not controlling me and that has been one of the biggest, freeing lessons I’ve learned.