Benton and I went to a brand new fertility clinic in October and were told that we should proceed with IUI. The doctor looked at us and said, “I don’t know why it’s taking you guys so long. You’re both healthy.” We were scheduled to pick up fertility drugs and were ready to book our IUI once our blood tests were done in December.
During this time, Benton had someone prophesy over him. We were told that God would bless us with a baby naturally. I’m a bit of a skeptical person, but I had been praying for someone to prophesy over me for 3 years and there it was, right in my face. I figured I should shut up and listen. We decided to heed the message and held off on IUI to spend some time in prayer and trust that our God was big enough to fulfill his promises and heal our infertility. At that point, we didn’t feel right moving forward with IUI.
Benton and I decided to move on one of the biggest ice storms we’ve ever experienced. Why did we think January 1st was a good time to pack up all of our belongings and truck across town in the busiest season of the year?! Our power was out for 4 days (which meant no heat) and I was on the struggle bus, trying to unload all of our stuff and not freeze my buns off. I was eating Sugarfina for lunch and drinking caffeine to keep me going.
In the middle of our move, I was supposed to get my period. There’s a little something called implantation bleeding, where the egg bury’s itself into the uterine lining and so you have a little bit of blood. I swear every woman tries to convince herself that she must be experiencing implantation bleeding and NOT her real period when she’s trying to conceive for a long time. After a stupid amount of months trying to conceive and believing I had this illusive implantation bleeding, I told myself, “HEATHER. If you’re pregnant, you will not have ANY blood. Blood equals period equals not pregnant.”
In the middle of our move I had a bit of blood, rolled my eyes and kept hauling boxes into our new place.
A day later, my period hadn’t started and I began to wonder if it could be implantation bleeding. My inner sassy voice of reason told me to smarten up. I listened for a minute but then decided I would test once I found my bathroom box with the pregnancy tests in it. Testing for pregnancy is kind of like a drug of choice, you tell yourself to hold off, but the urge is just too strong.
In the meantime I tried to avoid alcohol consumption (tis’ the season).
Tuesday (January 2nd) I got access to my tests and like a true addict, I immediately took one. I waited expectantly and the thing was negative. Well, nothing new. By Thursday I still didn’t have my period and I was really wondering what was going on. I took another test in the morning, staring expectantly at the stick on the counter. It was negative. UGH!! So annoying!! I turned around and started getting ready for the day, but when I turned back around there was a second line.
After almost 3 years of trying to conceive, seeing a positive test is really surreal. It seems kind of like a sick joke that someone is pulling on you. Immediately I thought, “Maybe that’s just an evaporation line.” Then I remembered the stick from Tuesday and went frantically rifling through my garbage can (I live a glamorous life). Sure enough, when I pulled it out it was positive as well.
My eyes welled up with tears and I looked at myself in the mirror with a massive smile and said, “I’m pregnant. Thank you, Jesus”.
I’d love to say that there’s some sort of secret to our conception, but there wasn’t. I prayed for a baby and God said, “No.” Until he said, “Yes.” Through all of our infertility, I wouldn’t change a thing. This journey has grown me and given me compassion for other people who go through the same thing, or who experience loss. I have looked at many of my friends with pangs in my heart and said, “I’m so happy for you” when they’ve announced their pregnancy. In those moments you learn to set aside your selfish ambition to truly, genuinely rejoice and love someone else. You learn how to say “God is Good” even if he doesn’t give you what you want. This experience has taught me to love out of deep hurt. It taught me to be transparent with God – even in my frustration.
In 8 months I will have a little human make me a Mom… and for that I am eternally grateful. I’m looking at names, researching midwives, taking an extra peek at baby clothes in the store and looking at strollers in the mall. It’s like a whole new world and it’s surreal in so many ways, but I am so ready.
Thank you for reading along through our journey. We have felt so supported by friends, family and strangers and today is a truly joyful day that we are grateful to celebrate with you. We are looking forward to welcoming baby Nickel on (or around) September 14, 2018.