In previous years, Mother’s day was an awesome day to celebrate the Mom’s in my life. I am surrounded by a group of solid ladies in my family! This year was different. I wasn’t prepared at all for this Mother’s Day. It hit me like a sack of bricks out of no where, and I instantly turned into a person trapped in a glass case of emotion!
I think last year was less intense because my thyroid was so messed up and I knew that my body couldn’t actually house a baby yet. Something changes when you’re functioning like a normal human being and still have a big “NO WORKAGE” stamped on your ovaries.
I thought about it a lot and I think that Mother’s Day, to people struggling with infertility is a lot like Valentine’s day, for people who struggle with singleness (notice I say struggle, not ALL people). You see signs everywhere, you get wished a happy day, you hear about all the Mom’s in love and see all of the photos, read all of the cards, see all of the baby bumps and the breakfasts in bed, the flowers, the gifts etc. etc. etc. It’s not like you’re unhappy for the people around you who have this blessing, or that you wish infertility on people so that they can sit in your crap with you, it’s just a feeling of disappointment. It’s a huge sign flashing in front of your face as a reminder that you can’t have it.
It’s easy to feel bitter and want to lock yourself up for the day until it’s over. I know, seriously, I need Simple Plan music playing right now. I have been sitting in this mental battle for a couple of days now, where I feel happy for others and sad for myself and am battling it out with God. Maybe that’s not the beautiful Christian way of doing it, but it’s how I roll and it’s honest. I still don’t feel resolved in it, but I know that I will be in time. I know that sometimes life’s a bitch and I have to deal with trials.
In the meantime, I am focusing this day on those Mamma’s in my life. Being a Mom is not easy and watching the sacrifices and selflessness that the Mom’s around me give is so beautiful. I think it is an important day to remind us of those ladies in our lives who have taken up the task and who have shown leadership and love to their children. It’s also a day to celebrate the gift of being a Mom and to take extra long cuddles with your own Mom or with your kids. I am overjoyed for those women who have walked a similar path to me and now have a baby bump, a newborn in their arms or a child to hug. It’s pretty cool how things get worked out in the end.
Hope everyone had a Happy Mother’s Day <3