When I first told my doctor I was pregnant, she scheduled the ultrasound for February 7th and I remember thinking that it seemed like such a long way away. To be honest, I had been worrying about this day since making the appointment.
I had a meeting at work, which made the day go by fast. A half an hour before I left work I listened to hymns and talked myself down from totally freaking out. When something so precious is given to you after so long, it can be really scary to realize that you literally have no control over the outcome of it.
On my way to the appointment, I was thinking about my Grandmas & Grandpa and my uncle that just recently passed away. I was wondering that maybe in heaven there were people sitting with Jesus who were aware of this little blessing, even though no one else on earth except for Benton knows. It was weirdly comforting for me as I drove… and it made me emo.
After getting my blood drawn I went downstairs to the medical imaging centre and gave my name and care card information. I sat patiently and observed the other people in the room with me. I wondered how many of the couples that were sitting together were there for their ultrasounds.
At 2:15 a friendly face came through the door and I was so thankful to see Benton. We chatted a little bit and then my name was called. Benton came with me, but the lady asked him to sit back down and wait until after she called him in. I walked alone with a woman into a room with a doctor’s bed and an imaging monitor. She asked me the date of my last period, told me to lay down and then used the little doppler (I think it was a doppler?) on my stomach (it was just like the movies!). I laid there, looking at her face every now and then to try to get a reading from her expression.
Very shortly after she started moving the thing around she said, “There’s a strong heart beat!” I instantly felt overcome with emotion… there was indeed a baby in me and it has a little heart that is beating at a perfect pace. She moved the thing around my stomach for 15 minutes and then she said I could get Benton.
Once Benton was in the room, she turned the monitor towards us and showed us the little miracle. Complete with little toes, a bum and a head. We saw the sac where it’s receiving nutrients from and the whole experience was truly a gift. She said it was measuring at 8 weeks and 5 days. She gave us our printed photos and I have it hanging proudly on my fridge.
I’ve been emo all day. It’s hard to explain… I prayed in faith for so long that God would be faithful to bless us with a baby and he has shown his kindness to me. I am overwhelmed by it. That I would be chosen to be a mama to this little life that he is intricately weaving in my womb… each function being formed as he has meant it to be. I can already feel him making this selfish heart melt with love for little Barnie.